On August 22, 2023, I earned a spot on the University of Vermont (UVM) Men’s Soccer Team. Competing in NCAA Division 1, UVM was ranked #4 nationally out of 205 programs at the time. This day marked the culmination of a 4.5-year long journey. While making a soccer team is a trivial challenge in comparison to humanity’s larger struggles, it remains my greatest personal challenge and the first true crucible in my life’s journey. The following notes, mostly written in the months leading up to making the team, reflect on this experience.

The Story

• April 2019 Offered by Bates (NCAA D3) Head Coach then forgotten.

  At the conclusion of high school, it became clear to me that college soccer would not yet be an option. I emailed dozens of schools in Division 1, 2, and 3, with little to no response. The nail in the coffin came after Bates (NCAA D3), who “offered” me a roster spot, subsequently rejected me from the school. After my rejection, I reached out to the then Head Coach Tyler Sheikh and thanked him for his offer. He texted back that he didn’t know who I was and never responded when I reminded him of my name.

  

• May 2019 Enrolled in University of Vermont as non-athlete

  Familiar with the UVM campus due to my sister’s prior attendance, I continued my pattern of staying safe and comfortable and headed to Burlington. I emailed the varsity coaches multiple times and received polite replies from assistant coaches Brad Cole and Reuben Resendes, mostly refering me to ID camps. At the time, I saw ID camps as a “money grab” and believed true recruits were scouted at showcases. This perception, mixed with my fear of both failure and success, kept me from attending. In hindsight, it was a mistake – one consistent with my former tendency to shy away from the moment and stay within the comfort zone.

  Original Message to UVM SoccerDownload

  Regardless, I had in my head that I would play for the club team¹ (likely being the best player), and then walk on to the varsity team the following Spring or Fall.

• September 2019 Cut from UVM MCS A & B

  During my first week of college I was eagerly anticipating joining the Men’s Club Soccer team. At the school club fair, I, along with over one hundred new and returning students, notified the team of my interest.

  

  After a successful first tryout on Virtue Field I was invited back for day two, which included a much smaller pool of players and a fitness test.

  

  At the conclusion of day two, I returned to my dorm room and waited for an email notifying me of which team I would be making. Unfortunately no email came, meaning I was one of only a few players from the second tryout who were not selected for the A or B-team. I remember a feeling and a sensation of my identity slipping away. I had always been “the soccer kid” growing up and had high expectations of playing college soccer at the varsity level, but here I was cut from the club team. I cried at my desk feeling worthless and ashamed. Desperate to reclaim my slipping identity, I reached out to a friend who had been selected, hoping for a second chance.

  

  After it became clear that I would not be able to play for any UVM team during my Freshman year, I felt discouraged but was eager to prove the decision of this team was a mistake. Soon after tryouts, I showed up to UVM’s indoor turf facility² with a ball, ready to train alone. Instead, I found Burlington locals playing pickup. They told me they played every day at 5pm. From then on, I was there daily, sometimes until midnight. Slowly, I improved. People occasionally began to ask if I was on the varsity team which re-sparked my belief that my dream wasn’t yet over.

  Outside of soccer, Freshman year really challenged me. I was very anxious. I couldn’t eat at the dining hall alone, study in the library, or wear any clothing that I wasn’t entirely certain I looked okay in. I avoided walking across campus and when I couldn’t avoid it, I would only do so with music playing in my earbuds distracting me from the discomfort. Like much of my life prior to this journey, I rarely left my bounds of comfort.

• December 2019 Cut from Hartford City FC (NPSL)

  Midway through my first year of university, I tried out for a NPSL team in Connecticut. I felt my trial went well. I was not selected for the team.

• May 2020 Began daily solo training back home

  When COVID-19 cut my Freshman spring semester short, I found myself back home. I trained alone daily usually for an hour to 90 minutes, but sometimes staying for as long as three to four hours. I developed a strong weak foot and elite finishing, but due to my lack of live-play, I fell further behind in my decision making and ability to execute under pressure.

• June 2020 Began training with local college players

  During one of my solo training sessions at Canterbury School³ I recognized a player who I had played against in high school and who had went on to play Division 1 soccer at Villanova. I walked over, pretending not to know who he was, and asked if he needed someone to train with. He kindly agreed and for the rest of summer we trained just about every day, sometimes twice a day.

  Seidu Shamsudeen, my former rival turned training partner, introduced me to a group of other college players from the likes of Michigan, Stanford, and Georgetown. Seidu and I would frequently train at 6am in Canterbury School and then would train in the evenings with the larger group at Hotchkiss School (an hour away). These training sessions were challenging for me, as I was unadapted to the college speed of play.

  
  
  

  tucker · A Tough Session

  Despite the challenge of these sessions, I had frequent moments where I could see that I was within reach of the level. These moments gave me the confidence to believe that this dream may be possible. Towards the end of this summer, returning from a training session at Hotckiss School with Seidu, I reached out to the varsity team once again.

  

  This time I received no response.

• September 2020 Made UVM MCS, season cancelled

  After a productive summer training with high-level players, I once again tried out for the UVM club team.

  

  This time, I was successful. I remember being ecstatic at the news. Not only was I making one step closer to my dream, but I was now apart of something. This prior lack of being apart of something, of community, was likely the main contributor to my freshman year struggles.

  Now on the team, I would have the opportunity to showcase my work… but only in training. With COVID still in full swing, we were unable to compete against other schools. Regardless, we continued on with intra-squad scrimmages, where-in I was a regular contributor off the bench. It was apparent that I was one of the more skilled players on the team, but was inconsistent under pressure as I was still adapting to the club level.

• December 2020 More training with local college players

  After my first “season” with the UVM club team I returned home and began training again with the local college players who were home for break. A few times a week, we’d gather at South Kent School to play and compete.

  I recall feeling very nervous throughout the 45-minute car rides to the field. In these sessions I began to recognize what was holding me back. I saw these players who were playing big programs and they were no better than me with the ball – if anything they were worse. I performed better in passing drills, finishing drills, and anything that was focused on technique. But when it came to live play, I struggled. One mistake would turn to two then to three and so forth. I would snowball. Frustrated with this fact, and recognizing it as a trend that had been going on for many years, I decided to try to make a change.

• December 2020 Began daily data logging to combat performance anxiety

  Feverishly searching the internet for a solution to my newly identified performance anxiety problem, I stumbled upon the practice of cold showers. This became a staple in my pre-training routine. The idea: build momentum early in the day with something hard and the rest is easy. Further, cold showers served as a practice for real moments of stress. Feeling the discomfort, controlling my breath, and showing gratitude all throughout became habits that carried through to hard moments on the field.

  What started with cold showers led to an adoption (and often abandonment) of various lifestyle interventions and routines. To see what actually worked and what didn’t I began logging my behaviors in an app called EliteHRV. I learned about EliteHRV in a podcast that described a young golfer using a breathing technique called resonance breathing as a performance intervention⁴. Resonance breathing is a frequency of breath unique to each person (but usually about 6 breaths per minute with a 5 second inhale and exhale) that optimizes that individual’s HRV; and, as I also learned on that podcast, HRV is a great indicator of our autonomic nervous system – which tells us a lot about our stress state.

• March 2021 Began work as Data Analyst for UVM Varsity

  Upon returning from that Winter Break, a professor of mine, Pablo Bose, approached myself and two friends also studying Data Science (Owen & Atticus Patrick) with an opportunity to do data analytics for some interested athletics programs: including women’s hockey, swimming & diving, and men’s soccer. I instantly agreed, seeing this as an opportunity to establish a connection to the team I so desperately wanted to be a part of.

  Using data from Wyscout⁵, the three of us generated pre-match and post-match reports for the team during their Spring 2021 COVID-season.

• July 2021 Trained with Hartford Athletic (USLC)

  Using my recent experience as a data analyst for the UVM team, I was hired as a performance analysis intern with second division American professional team, Hartford Athletic.

  I saw this as an incredible opportunity to potentially work my way in as a training player, using my UVM Club Soccer membership as a sort of validation that I was at least somewhat capable as a player.

  With enough time spent on the sidelines, and numerous players absent due to a couple spells of COVID, I was able to fill in during three trainings (for certain drills) as a player.

  My first opportunity came when, as the team was setting up for an 11v11 scrimmage, the head coach Harry Watling signaled for me to get my boots on and fill in as a wing-back. I nervously rushed to the bathroom, trying to get my breathing under control. I sat on a closed toilet in the stall breathing, 5 seconds in, 5 seconds out. I visualized myself successfully completing passes. I was implementing the interventions I had heard on podcasts and research papers as a desperate attempt to hijack my performance for the better.

  To my surprise I held up and did my job well. I won the ball and completed a few passes out of pressure. I would later get two more opportunities to train, but felt overcome by fear and made several nervous mistakes. Regardless, this experience proved to me that I could in fact compete at the Division 1 level and gave me a spike of confidence heading into my Junior Fall.

  

• September 2021 Goals & Questioning My Motives

  At the end of Summer, transitioning back to school, I began to question my motives and if I really wanted to continue to pursue walking-on to the team.

  
  
  

  tucker · Fear, Goals, & The Impact of Environment

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Msoc Walk – On Dilemma
• October 2021 Finished Junior Season with UVM MCS

  I decided not to reach out to the varsity team during their pre-season or Fall season and returned to the Club team for my first official season with the team. We played six games, winning four and losing two. I finished the season with two goals and eight assists.

  

• December 2021 First time training with UVM Varsity

  At the end of my Junior Fall semester, I received a text from Associate Head Coach Adrian Dubois with an invitation to play pick-up with the team. This was my first time training with the team. The past Fall I had continued my work with the team as a data analyst.

  

• January 2022 Informal trial with UVM Varsity

  During Winter Break in my Junior Year, I finally mustered up the courage to reach out to the coaches asking for a trial for the first time since starting working with the team.

  

  

  The coaches agreed to allow me to train with the team once a week in the Spring.

• January 2022 Cut from Vermont Green FC (USL2)

  Also during Winter Break, I tried out for Vermont Green FC, a semi-pro summer league team competing that upcoming summer for their inaugural season. I received an email shortly after the trial that I was not selected.

  

• February 2022 Cut from UVM Varsity

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial

  In a meeting with Adrian part way through the Spring Season, I was told that I would not be brought on for the following Fall and that there would be only a very slim to none chance of making the team at any point. In retrospect, I don’t think I was legitimately considered for selection at any point during this initial “trial”; however, this opportunity provided me more confidence that I could objectively be competitive at the Division 1 level.

• May 2022 Cut from Vermont Green FC for a second time

  After being cut from UVM Varsity, I tried out again for Vermont Green just ahead of their first summer campaign. I received another rejection email.

  

• July 2022 Assessing my WHY

  Over the summer leading into my senior year, I continued training and began to formalize the WHY in this soccer journey.

  
  
  

  tucker · The WHY In My Walk-on Journey
• August 2022 Named Captain of UVM MCS

  At the conclusion of the Summer, myself and a few of my senior teammates on the Club team had a preseason meeting with out coach, Eric Barker. At the meeting I was named Captain.

  

• September 2022 Torn MCL

  Three games into the UVM Club Team’s Fall 2024 campaign I endured a Grade 1+ MCL Tear. The injury happened during a friend’s intramural game which I participated in because we didn’t have training for the Club Team that day. This occurred just a couple of days before our biggest game of the season against rivals Dartmouth.

  
  
  

  tucker · Misfortune = Opportunity
• November 2022 UVM MCS Clinches Regionals

  The Club Team continued on and had a great season, finishing the regular season unbeaten and earning a bid to Regionals with a chance to return to Nationals for the first time since 2019. The team finished 1-1-1 in Regionals, narrowly missing out on Nationals. During the tournament I recall having some of my best moments as a player, even though I wasn’t on the field, because of how much grit, toughness, and togetherness that my teammates showed in each game.

  

  With the conclusion of the Club Season, my commitment to return to play ASAP waned and I began living more relaxed and undisciplined leading into Winter Break.

  
  
  

  tucker · Staying Focused
• December 2022

  Over break I began rebuilding my fitness after my MCL injury with the hopes of reaching a level 20 on the Yo-Yo Test⁶.

  
  
  

  tucker · Disappointing Progression

  As my Senior Spring rolled around, I had run the Yo-Yo test 11 times throughout Winter Break, totaling to 39 attempts since the start of Covid in March 2020.

• January 2023 Permitted to formally trial with UVM Soccer

  In early January the coaches agreed to allow me to have an official trial in my final semester of college. This meant I was to be training everyday, including lifts and all team activities. Leading into the trial I attempted an honest assessment of where I stood mentally and what I would need to change to achieve success.

  
  
  

  tucker · Mindset Adjustments

  
  
  

  tucker · Chasing Your Dreams Is A Win-Win

  
  
  

  tucker · Managing Fear And Building Confidence

  

• January 2023 Cut from Vermont Green FC for a third time

  Prior to the start of the semester, I tried out for Vermont Green for a third time.

  
  
  

  tucker · VGFC Tryout Reflection

  

  For a third time, I was not selected for the Summer roster.

• January-April 2023

  At the beginning of my final semester in college, I began my first official trial with the UVM Varsity Team. Throughout much of the Spring I kept progress logs of how I felt during the process.

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial II: Pre-Trial

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial II: Day One

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial II: Day Three

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial II: Day Four

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial II: Day Six

  
  
  

  tucker · UVM Varsity Trial II: Day Seven

  In short, the trial consisted of the following milestones:

  • January 10, 2023 Walk-on trial granted by coaching staff
  • January 25, 2023 Scored a 19/3 on Yo-Yo Test (18/6 standard)
    • Onset of Sports Hernia
    • Two-week trial extended to a semester-long trial.
  • April 15, 2023 End of Spring Season
    • ~90 minutes of playing time in six spring games (4 appearances)
    • Goal against Saint Michael’s College (NCAA DII)
    • Goal (disallowed) against Providence College (NCAA DI)
• May 2023 Cut from UVM Varsity for a second time

  At the conclusion of my Senior Spring, I had a meeting with the coaching staff. I remember walking into the meeting, having not slept for over 60 hours (due to self-inflicted cramming of a semester long project into three days), and feeling disoriented. We discussed how things went in the Spring, strengths and weaknesses. My strengths were my finishing, weak foot, and fitness. My weaknesses were scanning, strength on the ball, and positioning. The meeting concluded with a statement that they would not be able to offer me a roster spot for the following fall; but that I could return as a training player, and in the event of a player departure, I would be first in line to take that spot. I was devastated by this and struggled to get any words out without dissolving into tears. I thanked the coaches and told them I would have to think about it. A few days later, realizing how much regret I would feel if I declined the opportunity and someone did end up leaving, I returned to accept.

• May-August 2023 Sports Hernia Recovery

  In the early stages of the Spring trial, I had developed a sports hernia. I began daily rehab but continued playing on it until our last game of the Spring season. Soon after I began seeking further attention, and through a teammate’s suggestion, I learned about Muscle Activation Technique. I found the nearest practitioner, in Montreal, and scheduled an appointment.

  I continued the prescribed exercises daily and saw significant improvement in my abdomen. I began training about three days a week, included occasional Vermont Green FC reserve’s sessions, and by mid-July I was back to playing daily.

• August 2023 Made UVM Varsity Roster

  Preseason began in the last week of July. Early on, despite having been apart of the program for three Fall seasons as an analyst and one Spring season as a player, I struggled to find my place in the team. The most testing moments of preseason were not during the fitness tests, or the training, or the team bonding, but came in the small, but frequent reminders that I was still an outsider to the group that I so desperately wanted to be apart of. Prior to preseason, I had my gym privileges revoked by the strength coach and my training room privileges revoked by our athletic trainer⁷. On gear day, each player had a backpack filled with their new gear placed in their locker. My locker was empty. A week later, when we arrived to Jay Peak Resort for our preseason trip, everyone on the team was assigned a mentor-mentee pairing/trio, except for me. These assigned groups were to learn details about each other and present to the team. When we returned to campus, a team Captain approached me and told me that I would have to clear out my locker because there weren’t enough spaces for the new players. I packed my locker into a duffel bag and placed it in a corner of the room. Before and after training, I’d head to my corner and change then stand around the locker room, or sit outside.

  
  
  

  tucker · Preseason Recap

  After a challenging preseason, where I felt disconnected and disrespected, we began our regular season training. A few days into training, a newcomer to the team departed unexpectedly for personal reasons. A day later, just ahead of out home opener against #24 Western Michigan, I was surprised in a film session with a roster spot, and along with it, a jersey, a locker, and team gear. In that moment I felt all the emotions of the past weeks and months and years flash by, and was left with only a feeling of disbelief – “Wow, I actually did it.”

  

• August to October 2023

  With the season underway, I slowly began to find my place in the team. The early stages were difficult, with continued reminders that I was not quite “a real player”⁸; but as the weeks went by, I began to find my place. I was the last guy on the roster. My job was to train as hard as I possibly could, and push the younger and less experienced guys to be better so as to prepare them for their future opportunities. My job was to (metaphorically) eat dirt for the team, seeing little in return in terms of game-time, so as to motivate those who were in the game to not take their minutes, or the team, for granted. I took great pride in that role, but I was admittedly unhappy for much of the season. I am ashamed to say that I caught myself regularly hoping for the season to end, because it hurt so bad to show up to training. I woke up every morning, filled with stress and anxiety about training and it wasn’t until the NCAA tournament where I felt I could be myself around the team, not by any fault of their own, but because of my own insecurities and because of the pressure that I put on myself. I think this pressure came from wanting so badly for things to go well because of how much time I had invested in the journey.

• October 2023 UVM Varsity debut against Binghamton

  Regardless, about half-way through the season, after not traveling for most of our early away games, I was brought on the road to Binghamton, a conference opponent. We went up early, and by the 80th minute we were 5-0 up. With 10 minutes to go, my coaches motioned for me to sub on. I rushed to the bench and wrote on my wrist tape a phrase I had recently discussed with our Sports Psychologist Matt, “Fail Boldy”.

  

  I stepped up to the center line as my coaches encouraged me to shoot the ball. Once the ball went out of bounds, I stepped out onto the field and played the final 6 minutes of the match. I had several opportunities to shoot and to “Fail Boldy” (which isn’t actual failure), but I didn’t – I was passive. Instead, I actually failed, because the only real failure, is not going for it. The pressure was too great. I felt that I had 6 minutes to make 4.5 years of work worth it, and my response: playing it “safe”.

  
  
  

  tucker · Choking Against Binghamton
• October to November 2023

  After my disappointing display in what would be my only on-field appearance for the team, we reached postseason and were met with a challenging opening game in the America East Quarterfinals.

  
  
  

  tucker · Season Update – AE Quarterfinals Loss

  Following what felt like the end of our season, we soon realized we would likely qualify for the NCAA tournament with an at-large bid given our strong national ranking. Our first round game was against east coast opponent Rider in front of a packed Virtue Field. After a convincing win we moved on to UCF, who was at one point in the season ranked #1 in the nation. It was during this away trip where I really felt myself fully settle in with the team. I remember walking with a group of teammates through the UCF campus and genuinely enjoying the pregame routines and rituals which usually caused me so much stress. When match-day came, we gathered in the locker room and several of the seniors spoke about what the program meant. I was fortunate enough to be able to say a few words to the team – I think this moment was my proudest moment as a player; and when we stepped out of that locker room, I felt that their was a collective feeling that we could not lose. A thrilling back-and-forth game against a super-talented UCF team saw us winning late in extra time, creating another iconic Vermont Soccer moment.

  The next week of preparation was equally as enjoyable post-Florida. We shared Thanksgiving together, shared the excitement of a week of training with campus to ourselves, and shared the experience of chartering out to West Virginia for our Sweet 16 matchup. In West Virginia, we faced a team-wide case of the flu. Regardless the team stepped out on the pitch on November 25th and gave an exceptional performance falling narrowly to the eventual College Cup-maker Mountaineers.

  The next week was filled with togetherness as everyone made a concerted effort to be together and enjoy the team before some of us left town for winter break or for good. That week and those that followed are some of my most cherished memories as I felt I got to experience being with the team, fully myself, after settling in through the post-season run.

  I’ll admit there was some relief when I didn’t have to wake up anxious for training each morning. Or when I didn’t have to worry about if I was doing “enough” at any given moment. Or when I could stop overanalyzing every small decision that may have impacted my confidence or fitness. But that was soon replaced by longing for those same things that I so desperately wanted out of. I soon longed for being apart of something bigger than myself, something that I would go to the ends of the earth for, something that I loved.

• December 2023

  After the Fall semester where I finished my degree and with it my very short-lived student-athlete career. I took the time to spend time with family and fully disconnect and de-compress.

• January to March 2024

  Upon the start of the Spring semester, I continued training with the team, despite no longer being a student. During this Spring season, I noticed an interesting trend. I was playing better – a lot better. In some sessions, I felt as though I was one of the most effective attacking players. The most interesting part of this trend was that I was doing very little of what I had been doing in the fall: analyzing every detail of my life, wanting so badly to perform well, and worrying about what my teammates and coaches thought of me. When I played in the Spring, I had zero concern about my performance. I was there to have fun and to support my teammates. I believe that unintentionally process-focused mindset is what propelled me from being one of the lowest producing players to one of the most offensively productive players.

• March 2024 Dislocated Patella & Torn MCL/MPFL/PCL

  Unfortunately, this uptick in performance last only five weeks, as during spring break I dislocated my patella while training with Vermont Green FC as a practice player ahead of their US Open Cup debut. The dislocated patella came along with a fully torn MCL and MPFL and partial tears to the PCL and ACL.

  

  This injury fully took me away from the game and took about five months before I was able to play again in any competitive capacity.

• April 2024 End of Year Banquet

  Despite the injury, I enjoyed getting to support my teammates through some of their Spring friendlies and was able to spend plenty of time with those that remained in Burlington throughout the Spring.

  

  Towards the end of the spring we hosted our end of season banquet with players, staff and family. I was fortunate enough to receive the Hal Greig award, which goes to the player who “through his desire, hustle and love the game, does the most for the Vermont Men’s Soccer program.”

  

  That stamped an end to my Vermont Soccer journey – I felt so much gratitude towards my coaches who believed in me when I asked them for a chance, my teammates who supported me when I had my head down during training, and my family who trusted me to keep pushing even when it seemed, for a long time, like a dream that would never become a reality.

  During that moment at the banquet, I felt all the pain that it took to get there subside, replaced by overwhelming feelings of acceptance and belonging with my Vermont Soccer family.

  In that moment, and through all the rest – even the ones where I woke up tight-chested and scared for training or the ones where I held back tears after feeling like I let the team down with too many mistakes – I couldn’t have been prouder to be a part of group that so strongly exemplifies Grit, Perseverance, Selflessness and all the other virtues that matter.

• Moving Forward

  I was in pain for much of this process. I was in the most pain when I was actually living out my dream. It wasn’t what I really wanted. But I did have pride. I felt proud of myself for going after what I wanted. But now I’m scared that I am going to lose that part of me that I am proud of without a goal that people see as improbable. I am just as scared of going for the goal because of how bad it hurt.

  Lessons Learned

  1. Trying is a win-win. Either you reach what you set out to achieve or you can walk away proud knowing you gave it your all.
  2. Don’t wait for the perfect moment to make it happen. There will always be a reason not to do something. Just go for it and figure it out on the way.
  3. It is good to be ambitious, but ambition is a responsibility. If you constantly make commitments to yourself about completing lofty goals that you seldom achieve, what kind of relationship will you have with yourself? Constantly breaking promises to yourself leads to lack of trust in one’s self and thus a lack of confidence.

Footnotes

1. Club sports are non-varsity, competitive sports that compete against other universities. This level is typically better than intramural, but often not nearly as competitive as varsity. ↩︎
2. The indoor turf facility at the University of Vermont is used by varsity and club sports and is rentable by outside parties. During my early years at UVM, where the university was lax on verifying the student-status of its users, the indoor turf was a mecca for local pick-up soccer. ↩︎
3. Boarding school in New Milford, CT. Rivals of my former high school The Frederick Gunn School. ↩︎
4. Chaitanya, S., Datta, A., Bhandari, B., & Sharma, V. K. (2022). Effect of Resonance Breathing on Heart Rate Variability and Cognitive Functions in Young Adults: A Randomised Controlled Study. Cureus, 14(2), e22187. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.22187 ↩︎
5. A football (soccer) data software which provides detailed match data, advanced metrics and data analyses for most high level amateur and professional leagues across the globe. ↩︎
6. Topend Sports. (n.d.). Yo-Yo Test Ratings. The Yo-Yo Test. Retrieved August 28, 2024, from https://www.theyoyotest.com/norms-yyir1.htm ↩︎
7. This was due to insurance purposes. When my trial ended and I was not kept on the team, I was no longer eligible for coverage and thus was a liability to the training and weight rooms. ↩︎
8. ie. Being left out of certain training drills completely, not traveling to away games, and being assigned operational tasks. ↩︎ ↩︎